Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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