Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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