Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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