Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
