I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
