That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
