she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the day after is always just damage control
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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