I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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