she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
