we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
