theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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