seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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