I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
