is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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