I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
