My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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