If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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