Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
