matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it because I queefed?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
