Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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