I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
