My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
