And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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