sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
