I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
