I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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