Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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