you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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