you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
