I just made out with a guy for $7.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
