he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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