Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
