3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
