i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
