omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
