Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
