So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
