i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
