If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
pray to the hookup gods
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
