Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Randomize
