i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
