You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
