Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
