I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
