It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
