Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
