Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
