I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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