Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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