Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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