I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
