why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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