I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
