i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
