It's just like the Real World with babies
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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