she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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