he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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