smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
