Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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