there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
