Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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