I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize