her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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