You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
