like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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