i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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