I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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