Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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