3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
