Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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