did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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