i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
