Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
