I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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