If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
